Deader Than Hell

Dorothea "Dookie" Brickhouse is just trying to get through the night, waiting tables at Chardonne's Tavern & Dry Cleaning when she realizes the cute goth boy in the corner booth is a vampire. She knows he's a vampire on account of she's psychic. And she knows psychics can't hear vampire thoughts on account of them being dead. And she can't hear this hot dude's thoughts, so he must be a vampire. Then she rescues him from a pair of naked would-be vampire kidnappers in the parking lot, brings him home to her Nannaw's, puts him to bed in her favorite Smurfs nightgown, and wonders what she's going to do with a vampire in the morning. Then morning comes and her drugged-out horndog brother shows up after finding himself in bed with a dismembered woman who was completely membered when he fell asleep. Now Dookie has to solve a murder, exonerate her brother, and decide whether or not she's going to bang this cute vampire, all while just living the normal life of a psychic waitress in the middle of the Louisiana summer. Before this is all over, somebody's going to end up Deader Than Hell.