Lean In Like a Queen: 17 Lessons from the Last Queen of Vietnam's Daring Negotiations

Born exactly 100 years ago in 1914, the Year of the Tiger, the young Jeanne Mariette Thérèse Nguyễn Hữu Thị Lan was crowned queen of Vietnam upon her wedding to King Bảo Đại. During the previous 140 odd years of the Nguyễn dynasty in Vietnam, under the previous 12 kings, there had never been a queen while the king was still alive; the highest title that a living king’s wife could have was “Primary Imperial Concubine.” Nonetheless, Nguyễn Hữu Thị Lan and her “commoner” family were able to negotiate unprecedented marriage arrangements with the king and the royal family, as a result of which she was designated queen immediately after the wedding. Her royal moniker was Nam Phương Hoàng Hậu, meaning “Queen of Perfume from the South.”

For daring to marry a Buddhist king, Nam Phương was excommunicated by Pope Pius XI. Her negotiating strategies later resulted in a pardon by successor Pope Pius XII; her visit to the Vatican fascinated the European media. Nam Phương was a game-changer and did many “first” during her reign as queen. When King Bảo Đại abdicated his throne, Queen Nam Phương also became an ordinary citizen. After navigating the dangers of Vietnam’s war zones, contested by the military forces of four countries, she chose safety for her children and left the land of her birth to live out a quiet life in France.

Negotiating effectively is one of the essential keys to professional and personal success. That is one of the theses of Sheryl Sandberg’s 2013 best-selling book Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead. The concise and readable book, Lean In to be Queen, contributes an extraordinary negotiation blueprint from Asia, one worthy of a Hollywood movie: the true-life story of the last queen of Vietnam. This book is for all women – and men – who want to avoid common mistakes and increase their success in their own negotiations, whether at work, in business, or in their personal life.

(100% profits from this book will be given to women-empowering charities in Vietnam, millions of whom are “leaning in” everyday to survive basic problems including poverty, lack of education, and domestic violence.)