Pull Yourself Together

“If you’re feeling happy, just wait. There’s bound to be a downside.”

These are just a few of the words Charlie Colostrum lives by, and he’s seen enough downsides to know what he’s talking about (losing his virginity the same day as the Challenger disaster really sets the tone).

A fat slacker with bad skin, Charlie carefully crafts his image, sometimes draping a black cloak over his shoulders and donning a black hat (though he knows smoking a pipe would be overdoing it). He nonchalantly leaves a few books by Nietzsche on the table when friends drop by (though he prefers to read self-help manuals). The jobless, self-proclaimed wimp lives off the kindness—and financial contributions—of his family and spends his time compiling lists of personal rules, daydreaming about becoming a rock star, and scheming his way into bed with as many women as possible (though he’s unable to emotionally connect with anyone).

This satire from one of Austria’s most celebrated contemporary novelists shows that life may not be exactly what you dreamed, but you’ve just got to keep on stumbling.