F My Life

The idea is simple: in a few sentences, people describe the various moments that have ruined their day. From the sublime and ridiculous to the truly mortifying, these snapshot anecdotes are all 100 per cent genuine, and very, very funny.

'Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded, "I bet you'd probably like to!" FML'

'Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises. I assumed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML'

'Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from hitting the wall. FML'

'Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy of her Twilight book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML'

'Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said, "Yes." My mom laughed and said, "Good one." My dad, for added effect, said, "Your hand doesn't count." FML'