Bite Me: A Licking Evil Christmas Tale

My name is Michael, and I don’t have much luck with women. I have tried everything to keep a woman happy. But I am lacking, yeah, I am. So, year after year, I have asked Santa for a special gift, and year after year, Santa never comes through. So you can imagine how happy I was when a special elf named Rasmussen showed up a day before Christmas Eve.
I am ecstatic.
I am finally getting my ‘BIG’ wish.
But there is a fly in the ointment, Chrissy Jenkins.
She makes the adage “be careful what you wish for” a nightmarish reality.
Oh, and Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. One more screwed-up Christmas tale to add to the list!