Solitaire

Probably a 1,5 but it was easy to read, and it was somehow enjoyable for about 100 pages so i'll give it the extra half star.

This is absolutely a love story. And I wouldn't have a problem with that if it wasn’t misleading. Romance is okay, you don’t have to try so hard to be different. Whats not okay is to make a depressed teenager believe that someone will one day appear and cure them of their depression, that they can decide to not seek out help, that no one understand them, but that they will get magically better when that one boy start caring about them. Making a cynical, isolated protagonist be seemingly unlocked or rescued by a quirky, persistent romantic interest is still a love story.

I loved Tori in Heartstopper; I loved her in This winter. That’s probably why I persisted in reading this even if it was so painful and not as good of a mystery plot-wise as it wanted itself to be. It was very predictable but somehow managed to deliver it more plainly than you can imagine. Everything was so surface level and the narrator's voice tried so, so hard to be relatable that it was cringeworthy. It reads like a Tumblr post when you're 12 and think everything is so deep. Too many pop culture references make it very dated and distracting.

Tori spring is not like other girls. And like other girls who believe they are just so different from the lot, she doesn’t care about girlie things like boys and parties or being hypocritical, but she is full of internalized misogyny, yet see herself as feminists because she is so different and doesn't like pride and prejudice. (Btw she doesn’t read, she hates it, but somehow is the most well read person?). She is not a likeable character, and it's “not funny because its true”. (I can not hear that phrase anymore, omg! That and diet lemonade—they were their own whole characters.) It’s okay because a lot of teenagers arent likeable. And I can totally see why so many people relate to its depiction of depression and suicide ideation, I did too sometimes. But i think, this book will comfort some young readers in certain behaviors. No, being depressed isn't an excuse to be an asshole. It’s not a reason to look down on everyone or to ignore them and then expect them to run after you when you feel like it. Or be rude to your mom for no reason. Seriously, the mom, like basically everyone in this book, is just hated for no apparent reason and has no real personality. Of course children don’t hate their parents for no reason, but honestly, if I didn't know better, I would say it's because Tori is insanely misogynistic, and she just hates every woman and girl. Talking about the parents, how can you have a suicidal son who has “severe OCD and an eating disorder” and a very depressed daughter and shrug at them being in distress while saying “teenagers, innit?”

I wish Micheal was more than a quirky golden retriever boy who always seems to be at the right place at the right time. I wish their relationship could have stayed platonic. It could have been so heartwarming and cute if Tori didn’t spend the first 150 pages repeating over and over that she didn’t care about him, then care when she feels like it, then not. The “chemistry” comes out of nowhere in the middle of the book. She dislikes him until she doesn't, and sure, during Becky’s party, they get closer, but we don't get to see it. We are just told they went from “knowing someone to knowing about someone” and that it is the line you cross when forming a relationship with someone. How would Tori know, though, since she doesn't care about anyone or anything? She is not a good friend, and not because “other reminds her how much she hates herself," no, nope. You can’t use that card. She just doesn’t care, she doesn’t listen and only cares about her feelings. And the fact that she decided to call Becky randomly and decide that, after all, they can still be friends? Yikes. No one will make me like you Becky.

And the end, just wtf.

Loved the story

tori just gets me x