Battle With Santa

'World War Snow' tells the extraordinary story of how I defeated Santa's evil army of elves and pixies.

To set the scene, Santa is planning to suck the blood out of every child on planet Earth. Don't ask me why, because I haven't got a clue (he's mad!). All that matters is this: he is foiled in this dastardly plot by the arrival of a charismatic superhero (ie. me), who is devastatingly handsome, brave and courageous (still me), kind, caring and humble (me, me, me), and a big fan of that 80's band T'Pau (also me — but please don't tell anyone I said that).

Alongside my trusty band of cohorts, which includes Robin Hood, King Arthur, Sir Dance-a-Lot, Merlin from Berlin, my sister, my 80-year-old nan, the two-timing adulterous cheat Uncle Ernie, plus some bloke called Adolf Hitler (no, not that one, another one), we manage to blow up Santa's sleigh and kill him — thus saving Christmas.

And what makes this extraordinary tale even more amazing, is that every single word of it is true!
(Well, actually, that's not quite correct: I made the whole thing up.)